Recess week

3:46 PM

The recess week is ending in about one more day and then it's back to school and I will greeted warmly with a bunch of tests for almost all my modules, I think. I myself am not too sure. So you can probably tell how well I've been 'studying' for my so-called tests. It's not like I don't try at all. It's just that I don't retain the information that I read, that's all. Technically I have read some things, but to be honest, it's just as good as not reading them at all since I would forget them the next day. I am pretty sure that my brain mass is shrinking as the years go by. I can't seem to fit any information in that thing.

I try to avoid Facebook at all costs. Not because I dun wanna distract myself. I mean, I welcome distractions in the form of tumblr, tv shows, blogging and movies. I am not the type who avoids distractions 'cos I am not very good at focusing in the first place. So distractions are inevitable no matter what the situation. I avoid Facebook simple 'cos of the statuses that people put that really make me wonder why in the hell I am friends with them. Which then makes me feel like an awful person, and then I'll feel guilty for feeling that way and then I just get irrationally upset at everything.

Honestly, even I dun understand myself sometimes.

But 90% of the time it's people saying things like, "Recess week! Time to chiong!" or "At starbucks now, trying to wrap my head around my readings. Need to get it all done" or "Gotta do my best to study for my tests. FIGHTING!". OMFG, okay, I am cringing as I am typing this out. I dunno how I managed to even LAY EYES on those statuses without smashing my laptop out of disgust. Appropriate gif reaction would be:


And it's not just one or two. It floods my notifications. Am I the only one who spent my recess week, lazying around at home and watching programs and listening to music? IT IS CALLED A RECESS WEEK. As in a break from the semester. A break meaning to relax and take a chill pill before shit starts again in school. But of course, in typical Singapore kiasu-style, recess week means week to catch up with all my work and do extra stuff so that I will be the best and number one in my cohort, blah-blah-blah.


God, I dunno what I'm doing in this place. I dunno why I am there and I dunno how these people even function like this. I have nothing against being competitive and wanting to be the best, but what's the point in being the best when you are wasting away your youth learning shit that you won't ever use again in future. I guess, since everyone is so damn enthu, then the strange one must be me and not the other way round. Maybe I am just too lazy and uninterested for my own good. Maybe they think that I am wasting away my life and destroying my future by doing all these 'useless' things that are not related to school. Hmm, then I guess I am the outsider. I am the anomaly.

I managed to catch a movie with Diyanah and also dyed my hair again. 'Cos I am addicted to dying. But mostly 'cos I can't stand seeing roots. Once I see the roots, even if it's just 1cm, I wanna dye immediately. I think it makes me look so ugly. I know that it's probably awful for my hair, but it's just one of those OCD things that I can't stand. I can never comprehend how someone can just leave their roots undyed until half of their hair is a totally different colour from the other half. It baffles me.

Besides, I love dying my hair. I love the dye smell and the after conditioner smell. My hair probably can't get any lighter without bleaching it but even if it isn't any lighter, I just love how shiny my hair is after I blowdry it. That is before the colour fades, after you've shampooed afew times. I just pampered myself, putting on face masks and doing my nails. It feels good. And for once, I managed to sleep for a few hours in a day, maybe not corresponding hours but enough in a day to stop me from feeling so exhausted all the time. Recess week has been enjoyable, but not necessarily productive. I DON'T WANT IT TO END.


Although a good part of my recess week was simply spent eating. I spent a fortune on Bread Society and other bakeries, eating all my lovely bread and pastries. I LOVE BREAD. I think I gained weight again. 'Cos of all the carbs I consumed in a day. It's really quite scary. Eventhough I feel full, I still feel hungry and I feel the need to eat that last piece of walnut cake or chocolate bagel NOW. THIS IS ALL I EVER DO:


God, I suck.

What I do want to end soon is of course, the semester. I CANNOT WAIT TILL THE END OF THIS SEMESTER. I don't even care about anything else but reaching the end of this sem (without getting kicked out of uni).

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