3:30 PM

I've been feeling as if something in me has changed and I am no longer the person I used to be. I dunno if it's maturity or the lack of an ability to cope and deal with the stresses of life. But I can feel its change. While I realize that changing is somewhat unavoidable as you grow older, I feel quite sad that a small part of me died. I can't say whether it's my innocence or optimism. Or perhaps the passion that I used to have when I was younger? I know I am sounding like a old maid typing this out. Yet, I can't deny that those things are no longer a part of my life. And they used to be ingrained into my personality and view on life.

I am changing. And I dunno if I like who I'm turning out to be.

It's hard to fight the transformation when everything around you enforces such changes in order to survive. My week was pretty busy. School's going crazy but I'm still comsidered pretty slack compared to everyone. It's hard to find the motivation to get my schoolwork done. Simply 'cos I have absolutely no interest in it whatsoever.

OH, and I had to do a debate for my Govt and Politics of Singapore module this week. THAT was BEYOND stressful. 'Cos the question was tough and I was in the opposition team. It was really hard for us to come up with a convincing argument. And as y'all already know how much I DETEST debates. I find them a total waste of my energy as I hate arguing for no reason. And people tend to get really heated up in debates. It gets almost personal. And I feel like screaming, "LET'S JUST CHILL PEOPLE!! This topic has NO EFFECT on us!!" Furthermore, I am a great advocate of variety in personal views. So I dun ever feel the need to convince someone to it my way. It's just so stressful, I hate it.

But it's part of the participation points so my team did our best. We got attacked like CRAZY during the open discussion round where our tutorial mates watching us can challenge and question us. IT WAS EXCRUCIATING. I thought the thing would never end. The debate took FOREVER. And to our surprise, there was even a voting afterwards. We all thought it was just a friendly 'who-cares' sort of debate. But THANK GOD, against all odds, my team won. All thanks to a stellar team who had tons of local political knowledge. I would've died ten times over if it weren't for them.

I realise my lack of knowledge on current events is a huge handicap, but oh, well. Can't be bothered anymore. Besides, I was very vocal in voicing out our team's stand.

I'm just glad the whole ordeal is over and I can watch the other teams suffer on that stage now. MUAHAHA!

TESTS are coming soon as well. I am so unprepared. And I dunno where to even start. But then again, NUS has showed me time and time again that it doesn't matter whether I study my ass off 'cos I will never be able to even meet the standard of the geniuses that infest that damned place. Then the fucking bell curve would just screw me over just because I am not as much of a genius as the rest. To sum it up:

This weekend is gonna be really tiring. 'Cos I've got lots of plans. I doubt I'll have time to finish my homework and assignments. But I feel the need to take a break from it all. And have a good time with my best friend.

I just wanna forget everything. Just forget it all. And think only for that moment.

Let's do that tonight.


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