Oh, Josh!

12:50 AM

I realized that I only blog when I have work to do. And otherwise, I just waste my time on tumblr. Everytime I have a paper to write, I end up blogging 'cos I am just SO TIRED OF PAPERS. Like essay after essay after essay. Never-ending. I miss the days when writing was all about creative writing and I get to write stories instead of write CRAP. 'Cos that is essentially what I am doing, crapping my way through the paper in hopes of reaching that word target.

I'm currently in my own little bubble where nothing matters and life is just whizzing by without a second glance. Everyone is so pumped about the exams which will be in two weeks time I think? Yeah, well. Everyone's studying their asses off. I dunno for what really. They are all staying back after school till late studying stuff. The thing is, I don't even know what they are studying. And I haven't been studying at all. I've been too busy trying to do up all my essays last minute and too busy with my theatre practical. Uni people have a way of making me feel like hopeless trash. Firstly, they look at you all weird when you dress up. Then they study like there is no tomorrow which makes you feel like a total slacker. And then when you get 'B's and feel happy 'cos you think that isn't bad and that is better than you expected to get, they make you feel like the most underachieving loser by saying, "DAMN IT, I only got a B+! I'm so pissed off. I have to try harder not to get such a lousy grade and get an A next time".

By 'you', I mean me.

Uni makes me sick to my stomach. SICK I TELL YOU SICK. It's a horrible place. And I honestly cannot wait till the end of the exams and vacation arrives. To be honest, I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I have lost sight of my goal. I have no sight of my future at all. And nothing really makes me happy. I just live for my TV series, food and caffeine.

I know that lately I've been blogging endlessly on how uni sucks. But honestly, that is all I have going on. And that saddens me, 'cos that just means that I have nothing happy going on at all. Plus, my skin has been breaking out like a crazy bitch. I hate it when that happens. I don't even know what I'm stressed about. 'Cos I am currently in suspension. At a point in my life when I don't really care about anything and yet feeling the need to care about something. So I don't really know what it is that is making me so stressed such that I am gaining weight and breaking out. What is it?

I really love my blogger. I love how this blog chronologically shows my growth and my thoughts through the years. And over the years, I grew more and more comfortable expressing my feelings here since no one but some of my close friends read this old thing. I don't feel weird about writing how I feel anymore. Because this is it. This is how I feel. I won't lie about it anymore.

I laugh for a while to distract me from my real problems.

LOVE DRAKE & JOSH. I miss them. They were hilarious. Best nickelodeon show ever. Times were so much simpler then. =)


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