Misery State

10:15 PM

Days before the big two-zero and I am in the most miserable state ever.

1) Mouth full of ulcers. Hurts to even smile, let alone talk and laugh. Eating is torturous but I endure it 'cos I'm just too damn hungry.

2) Aching jaw and mouth 'cos my wisdom tooth is growing right beside my decayed tooth, which I am too afraid to pluck out from the dentist. Dentists are scary. So, more and more pain to endure.
(Dentists are too expensive for me to afford anw)

3) Most of my friends aren't free on my birthday to celebrate with me. Nothing wrong with a quiet birthday... Just can't help but feel a little let down. Neither is my sister, she's got smth on in school that day. And my dad has work.

4) I'm too broke to go out or even eat out for lunch. Can't even buy water 'cos that costs money and I am dead broke. Waiting for my first pay check.

5) My laptop broke down and I sent it for repair but 'cos I spilt some water on it one time, HP will charge me $870.34. There goes my first pay check 'cos I would have to get it fixed before uni starts. As I will take responsibility for my actions and no way in hell will my parents pay for that.

6) So, I will continue to be broke and I might even have to work an extra month. Therefore, I won't even have my good month's rest before the start of the semester in NUS.

7) My brokeness won't allow me to have new wardrobe for the new term. Won't allow me to be able to go out with my friends. So, at this point I want to just kill myself.

8) One of best friend will be leaving the country soon to study in the UK

9) My house is feels extra crowded and uncomfortable 'cos my distant uncle is crashing at my place. So even when I'm off work, my home isn't as relaxing as I'd hope. Plus he keeps competing with me when it comes to food. He keeps eating what usually would be my share.

10) Work ends late almost all the time. I am tried almost all the time.

11) I might lose ALL the memory I have in my laptop including recent photos and my all important Gossip Girl Season 3 which took me forever to get my hands on


I think this list would go on forever. My biggest problem right now is money. Or my extreme LACK of it. Why is it that money is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS the biggest hurdle in my life?! Why is it ALWAYS the limiting factor? The thing that makes me stressed and makes me sacrifice things that I really want. Why is it that money is always the thing that stops me from enjoying my life or doing the things that I wanna do. Even in uni, money is the biggest issue. Even when they give me opportunities in college, I can't take them 'cos money is never enough and my family never seems to have enough.

Why is it always my financial status that prevents me from being happy?

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