Monday Frustrations

5:51 PM

Just a short one for today. I don't really feel like blogging but it just happens to be a ritual of mine every Staurday. So, I kindda HAVE to do it. Anyways, I'm really, REALLY sleepy and that's the reason why I don't feel lke blogging. I just had a THREE hour nap and I'm STILL as sleepy as ever. I blame it on the weather. It's all windy and cloudy and perfect for sleeping. I went out in the morining so, I felt a tinsy bit guilty as I was supposed to spend my Saturday studying for my THREE tests on Monday. Yes, THREE tests!! And since I have this function thingy tomorrow night, I have to do most on my studying today. But as you can see, I haven't really done much of it and I have no one to blame but myself, really. So, I have to make for lost time and study tonight. I really hope I won't fall asleep. 'Cos usually, I would go out every Saturday morning and sleep the rest of my Saturday away. Which one of the reasons why I tend to LIVE for my Saturdays. They are offcially my favourite days of the week. And I'm just freaked that I have to do SO much on my sleepy Saturday. It's so weird for me. But what to do? It's practically our prep-prelim week already and everyone's all hardworking and stuff. Which makes me feel SO unbearably guilty. 'Cos I don't have a tuition teacher so, I have to take initiative and do my OWN revising. And I do very little of that. I also have to catch up on all my homework. But at the same time I have to start revising. I really, REALLY need a tutor or something. 'Cos I don't know SO much stuff and once I don't know, I sort of lose my drive to finish up the work. I'll be like, "Ugh! Whatever, lah!" and start doing something else, leaving that work undone. I NEED a teacher to help me stay focus. And the teacher HAS to be patient 'cos I happen to be really slow when it comes to learning stuff. Aiyaaaa! I'm So sleepy! I dunno how I'm gonna last the night. I hope I won't fall asleep while so-called studying for my tests. (which happens almost ALL the time)

Gosh, the thought of Monday scares the life out of me. Next Monday is just gonna be the most exhausting day for me. And I can't stand to think of it. WHY must the school squezze EVERYTHING into ONE day?! I mean, HELLOO?! Do they want us to be lathargic and unfocused for the REST of the week? Aren't there ANY more days in that week? Why must everything be crammed into one massive day of hell?! I find it really inconsiderate of them to do this to us. The preps are coming and we're already stressed enough. And then, they have to dump test after test, and for the SYF students, we have to finish up our NAPFA and they had to do it all on one day. It really bugs me. I'll be having my A-Math test on Monday on Differentiation. On top of that topic (which I'm gonna need MORE than the weekend to study for), I have a Malay Test so, that means I have to memorise my 'peribahasa' (Malay Idioms) but I have absolutely NO time for that 'cos... I'll be having my Pure Lit test on that day itself. Lit students will be having a 'Timed-Practise' which actually means a test essay that's to be written in a SHORT amount of time. We have to answer all the essay questions and quote all the quotes and write at least, THREE whole pages about Much Ado About Nothing in 40 measly minutes. Timed-practise always stresses me out. But that will not be the end of my Monday from Hell. After all those tests, which I have a BAD feeling that I won't do too well due to my lack of motivation and time to study, I still have to run 2.4km for my NAPFA run. All the SYF participants who missed out the last time have to take it that day. Which is (ta-daaa)... MONDAY!! Honestly, what in the name of god-knows-what is the meaning of this?! I don't understand why everything have to crammed into one day of ultimate stress for us. I happen to take my NAPFA seriously. I know it's pathetic 'cos everyone's not really caring. They are all focused on their O'levels. And they're all like, "What's the point, lah? Just pass can already! When you want to apply for JC, they're not gonna ask for your NAPFA results. Waste energy only." I always feel like crap when people say that. You see, NAPFA means a LOT to me. It's the ONE single thing which I know for sure that I can achieve something. It's the only thing that I can get good 'marks' for, in this case a gold. I know everyone really thinks of NAPFA as a joke of some kind. Especially the sec fours who are only concerned about their studies. But NAPFA is the only thing in which I KNOW I can achieve something. And when people belittle it... They are belittle-ing my achievement. Which makes me feel really sad and pathetic. I never really get the chance to hear people gush about my results 'cos they aren't really good compared to the many geniuses in Anderson. And I have always thought I can be proud of my fitness. But I guess not. It's not important really. Though I tend to really puch myself physically in these events. I would train myself, run as much as I can. Do my sit-ups and push-ups at home when I am free. And on the day itself, I would do my very best. But apparently, I shouldn't even bother.

I don't care. This is an achievement to me (especially when I know I did a personal best). It doesn't matter if others don't give a crap. It doesn't matter if my achievement means nothing to them. It matters to me, and that's what matters.

Speaking of NAPFA, we had our NAPFA 5 items yesterday. My arms are aching from all the pull-ups I did. It so difficult for me 'cos I'm so darn heavy. But I managed an A grade. In fact, I managed to get an A Grade for almost all my 5 stations. Except for ONE which I felt SO utterly cheated!! I read the NAPFA table wrongly. I thought that I had to jump 186cm for Standing Broad Jump for an A grade. So, I got it. I jumped 186 on my second try at the jump. I was really happy thinking that I got an A (which meant that I got an A for ALL my stations). But then, when I read again. The sign beside the number meant 'MORE than 186cm'. I felt SO awful!! Just ONE measly centimetre from my A!! AAARGH! I felt So cheated, mann! And I was so tired as it was my last station of the day so, I couldn't even jump that extra centimetre. Ugh! But nevermind. I think I did well and I'm quite happy about it. Now, I'm just worried about my 2.4km run. It's the most challenging part of NAPFA for me. And this year, I'm aiming for an A. Hopefully I won't be too tired on Monday after all my exams.

Anyways, our big SYF day has come and gone!! And I have many pictures from our full-dressed reahersal which I can finally publish and show. But I'm running out of time so I think I'll do it tomorrow. I just wanted to say to all ATCians: YOU GUYS ROCK!!! We all did our best, although there may have been some small technical glitches, I think it was our best performance so far. You all WERE AWESOME!! And kudos to Prasaanth, my onstage husband, who risked his leg for the sake of this production. You were amazing in the last scene! And to all the Storytellers, you guys are SO freaky, it's AWESOME!! Hahaha! All that hardwork paid off with an unforgettable preformance in your part. Dinah and Khairi are the best daughter and son I can ever pretend to have! You guys were great and really rose to the occasion that day. And everyone else in the sets and props (which were totally spankin' looking!! The best set we've ever had!) and the viruses who were so mechanical, they're scary! Everyone did great, I think and we all now just have to wait... 30th April, our result day. All now we can do is pray. The pressure's on us but we can do nothing but pray.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL CHORISTERS!!! It was a well-deserved GOLD WITH HONOURS!! You guys have worked really hard and came out tops. You guys deserved it! I KNEW you would achieve nothing less. Congrats on the AWESOME performance and result!! =)

Alrighty, I'm out of time. I hope everyone won;t be too stressed out this weekend and I hope everyone will be able to get through Monday. Have a great weekend, people! =)

I will never let you fall;
I'll stand up for you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me back to heaven.
I'll be your angel.

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