The Dumb Diamond

6:32 PM

Well, well, I can't say I didn't expect this. I mean, I KNEW this week was gonna be a rough one but I never really expected it to be THIS rough. It started out pretty okay. And even the Deepa Raya rehersals were bearable. But the results of my end-of-years came and...

JEEZ!!! Sometimes it really BAFFLES me, how absolutely dumb I can be. With my results, I can be considered dyslexic!! And I'm sure no one will be surprised. Friday was the Day of Doom. That was yesterday. I came to school early, bracing myself, feeling not too bad. In fact, I was feeling pretty good. I even managed to play Sega Sonic on Yoke Cheng's phone before flag-raising... Which was CANCELLED!! I mean, it was a great start to a day. But of course, naturally, everything went downhill from there.

Ms Leow came into class and I can clearly see from her face that our class didn't do well. Diyanah was sitting beside me and she totally freaking out, which in turn made me freak out. So, the both of us were freaking out at the back of the classroom as Ms Leow gave out the papers one by one at SNAIL'S pace. It was completely nerve-wrecking! The first paper she gave out wa the English paper. And it totally pissed me off. The paper, I mean. I did a narrative on the Taxi driver story and Miss Heng (I just KNOW that it's her 'cos I recognise her patronising handwriting anywhere) reprimanded me in my own paper!! The cheek, I tell you!! I was SUPER pissed. She went like, "Sharifah, this is NOT some internet chatroom! You cannot use capitalized words or multiple punctuations... blah, blah, blah!!!" I only did those in dialogue!! And it was to PROVE a point and to set the tone of the conversation. And then, she went on to scold me on my use of broken English in dialogue! Seriously, would a taxi driver who can't speak good english go, "A very good morning to you, young lady! Please inform me of your destination so that we can proceed there in the most efficient way possible!" WOULD THEY?!! The asnwer is NO!! They wouldn't! Besides, the only so-called broken English I used was, "Girl, you okay or not?". I was So disappointed with my compo marks. But I suppose my Comprehension was okay. And my speech was pretty okay. I would've been more accepting of my English marks if it were not for Miss Heng's evil remarks.

So, anyway, Social Studies and Geography Elective came next. I was so proud that I improved So much for my Social Studies. From like 2 out of 25 for my last test to a 31 out of 40. Which is commendable seeing how badly I did for my last Social Studies test. My geog, however, was... beyond horrible. And it's because of my unfortunate handicap at reading Topographical Maps! Darn it!! I was so frustrated 'cos I couldn't find the road that they were asking me to measure from some point to some point. And I was so frustrated that I just drew a line in pencil and made my own road! Hahaha!

Higher Mother Tongue was bad but it was bad for everyone. Pure Literature was okay, though I thought my essays deserved more marks. Then, came the sciences... I almost died... And finally, the two maths.

I died.

As in on the inside! Obviously, I wouldn't be blogging from the Underworld if I were dead. But I felt so... horrible. And I hate bursting into tears in front of everyone. I HATE that! So, I would just keep it all inside (my face would turn a bright shade of red, usually) and let it out in the toilet where no one can actually see me. Diyanah and I both 'pakat silence' (something like making a deal to keep silent), especially when people asks us how our results were. Therefore, I can not reveal anything in this post. Or ever.

I just don't get how all that studying came to nothing. Absolutely nothing!! I just feel so stupid and ashamed. I feel as if I don't deserve to be friends with such smart people... I feel as if I don't deserve to be with him. I have never felt so small, stupid and insignificant in my entire life. I don't think it's possible for anyone to fail more subjects than I did. Which just ultimately means...

I'm a failure.

So, anyway, today I feel better. I was supposed to watch Death Note with my bro, Taufiq... But his sis didn't allow him to and so, he cancelled. I was really bummed 'cos I was really looking forward to the movie. And I was hoping that a great movie will help me forget my troubles. I would have been left with a horribly uneventful afternoon, if I had not gone out with Halim instead. I wanted to watch Death Note but I guess I am just not meant to watch it 'cos we went to TWO malls (Vivo City and Plaza Singapura) and all the afternoon shows were sold out!!! So, instead, to cheer myself up, I bought some candy and biscuits from Candy Empire AND some ear studs!! Which is funny 'cos I just bought some ear studs yesterday before Deepa Raya concert rehersal with Jaswin and Diyanah. I dunno why but buying ear studs just make feel happy. Weird, huh?! So, the bad news is that I didn't get to watch the movie which I had been dying to watch. But the good news is that I got to go out and hang out and got myself some studs!

The day could have been worse. =)

There's no one else but me to blame
Oh, God! I'm so ashamed!

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