I'm a liar.

1:41 AM

I have realized this for very long but only now am I really bearing the brunt of my dramatic personality and over-the-top way of talking. I need to re-access things and maybe change some things about myself. Everywhere I go, people (even the people closest to me) doubt my sincerity and the true-ness of my words. While that is not exactly like being deemed as a perpetual liar, it's not exactly the best situation to be in 24/7. Sure, I love being dramatic and blowing things out of proportion. Like how awful I feel and or how awesome I think something is. So maybe when I say, "I feel like killing myself", I dun exactly mean that I am suicidal and deeply depressed. But that doesn't mean that I am not feeling awful or feeling completely rotten. All exaggerations are based on truths. Truths that are either too boring or too embarrassing to just spit out the way it is.

They are not lies.

But lately ppl have been treating every word I speak with doubt and casting shadows on them, dismissing them. If that is the case, then why bother to speak? I am torn between being myself and enjoying myself as I try to entertain the ppl who are around me with my antics. I've realized that being fun means ppl dun take you seriously. They dun believe you when you have an actual problem. Or when you actually feel like absolute shit. That is the price we pay for trying to show only the best side of ourselves. The good side, the fun side. Always trying to look as good as possible. They dun really bother whatever it is that lies underneath it.

I guess, I am just tired of being doubted all the time. Just 'cos I react to smth intensely, doesn't mean it's fake. Yes, it may look theatrical, but has it occurred to ppl that it may be genuine? That I feel things intensely, therefore I react intensely? And why do I have to whip out proof for things that is happening in my life? Who knows better than myself?! I realize that ppl just dun take my word for it anymore. I get it if they dun take my word for a product or website that I may be in LOVE with and perhaps raving about. I dun feel hurt when they doubt that. I mean, sure, the product or whatever maybe just over-rated. But I do get hurt when I have to prove myself for things that are happening in my life. For the way I'm feeling.

I guess, feelings and problems are over-rated.

Maybe there's just too much of it around for them to care, or to listen and take seriously. Maybe they are busy, getting caught up in their own messes.

I guess, well, on the bright side, I never ever need to say "Just Kidding" 'cos apparently it's written all over my forehead or smth.

Probably I am just tired of convincing ppl. I'm tired of talking.

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