In hiding.

8:59 PM

Well, I haven't left the house much although I did have a great time with Jen shopping the entire, drinking coffee, chatting over lunch and buying lotsa staples for school. I bought tops (mostly from pull & bear, my fave store ever) and I also bought boyfriend fit jeans from uniqlo. They are my favourite style now. A loose guy's tee and loose straight jeans. They hide my body which is GREAT. I dun feel so stressed, having to suck in my stomach all the time. And I can eat my chocolates in peace.

I have been eating chocolates and doing lots of binge eating. Against my better judgement of course. But I've been feeling... really sad lately. As in really unbelievably sad. I rmb the last time I felt this way was afew years ago, when my lovelife took a nose dive. However, I reckon this comes a good second. In fact, really close. My acne isn't going away. The moment one starts to heal, another one pops up. And then next thing I know my face is just... is just... just gross. Disgusting. Horrific. I dun think I know enough adjectives to describe how desolate and helpless I feel when I look into the mirror. How frustrated I feel when my make up can't cover up the disgusting bumps on my face. And then I am forced to cancel all my plans that day and stay at home. So I've been cowering at home. Afraid to face the world with my new face. I suppose I just need time for my skin to settle and for me to settle into my skin.

It's hard to accept it when people keep thinking that you still look like your old self. But I dun. I have had at least 7 people, including Jenny who told me, "You look different." I just brush it off, saying that it's my hair (now I actually have to show my entire face and keep my hair out of my face to prevent more breakouts). But it goes deeper than that. The aura I give is different and my face is different. Besides my skin, I am exposing my entire face for the first time without any bangs to cover up all the unsavoury parts that I despise such as my forehead and the sides of my square jaw. Also, I am less assured of myself. I dun like how I look now and it shows I guess. But I expect this to change as I work on myself and my new body and skin.

I have to learn to accept myself.

Other than cowering at home and hiding from the rest of the world, I have been reading my book haul. I have just finished my 'Last Duchess' book which was FABULOUS. OMG. I seriously love that book. It's so skillfully and tastefully written. I loved every line in it. The only thing I didn't love was the bloody Duke, who was the hero of the story. I seriously hate him. I mean, I literally almost BURST INTO TEARS when Cora dumped Teddy (her childhood love) at the train platform and stayed with the Duke instead. I was like, "NOOOOOOOOOO". Then my mum rushed into my room all worried-like and threw her spatula at me for worrying her with my scream. NOT COOL. She got gravy all over my bed and I had to change the sheets. She was yelling, "IT'S JUST A BOOK" and then grabbed her spatula and left in a huff. Mothers, I tell you.

It's not MY FAULT I got too into the story. Geez.

So anyways, I AM SO HAPPY Munira got me that book. I didn't expect to love it so much. I am of course, really biased thanks to the gorgeous cover. But now I have to move on. I am thinking of going into 'The Death Instinct' for a change of pace. I was actually thinking of starting on the 'Red Queen', but I didn't wanna overlap the story with Cora's one. I AM SO EXCITED to get started on it. Although I had VERY little sleep last night. I was finishing my last book with a torchlight in my bed 'cos I dun wanna disturb my sis. LOL!!

Another thing to be excited about is definitely HARRY POTTER. Diy booked tix this saturday and I am, needless to say, excited. But also very sad that my childhood would officially end by the end of this last movie. Nevertheless, these are things that won't be forgotten and the books are still very much a part of my life, I guess. However, I do expect a RIVER OF TEARS AND SNOT to flow down my face on saturday so I will keep that in mind and wear waterproof makeup, just in case.

You Might Also Like


Like us on Facebook