Talent? Or no?

8:57 PM

The first week of tutorials has passed and next week will be worse seeing as even weeks are the most awful days for me. 'Cos I have to go to school everyday. =( I'm not looking forward to this at all.

Tutorials are really scary. 'Cos apparently, we HAVE to participate. The school is so sly. Those sly foxes made it necessary for students to be accessed on their participation in class. So we have no choice but to speak up. But the thing is, I think it's so lame and stupid. 'Cos sometimes I don't have anything to say that is useful to the class and especially for new modules that I don't have much knowledge or opinions about. Especially English Literature module. Like honestly, the teacher's the the class's train of thoughts are miles away from mine. I couldn't get their interpretation at all. And all I could do was force myself to stay awake.

I'm really worried.

Another reason for me to worry is my audition for my CCA which was today. To be honest, I was totally not gonna join any CCA. Simply because I dunno if I can cope with all 5 modules, and their assignments and their projects and my night classes as well. Also, I wanted some free time for myself to slack and relax. But after I saw the flyer for the NUS Jazz band, I instantly wanted to be a part of it. I've always loved jazz eventhough others kinda thought it was really lame. And I had to go to jazz concerts alone. I've always fantasized singing my fave jazz numbers infront of an audience with a band behind me. And to think that I can actually achieve this dream so soon!! Omg! I got super duper excited and I emailed then about my auditions.

And so I auditioned today and I dunno if I did okay. 'Cos there were so many talented people. When I entered the Centre of the Arts, I felt like i was in some sort of Art school and not at all nerdy NUS. There were tons of people dancing contemporary and people tuning their instruments. People rehearsing. I was so intimidated, my confidence plummeted and hit rock bottom. I was like, "Oh. Shit. I don't stand a chance." Plus I don't even have muscial background and I can't read notes and I suck at the whole piano notes thing and adapting to different keys and stuff. Usually, I just listen to a song and sing it the way it is. I was totally having a panic attack and calling all my best friends for some comfort. And I did a whole last minute change of song choice 'cos I was so scared of being overshadowed. Just as I made that decision, with no time to do any last minute practice, I was ushered to a room with a huge piano and some seniors and the voice coaches. BAM! Just like that I had to start my song and next thing I know I had to do this whole range test and piano thingy. Which is my worst nightmare 'cos I have literally ZERO confidence and knowledge in that department. I'm pretty sure I messed that part up.

The whole thing went by pretty fast and I'm left with the dissatisfaction of not really showcasing my best. I wanted to show them that I have something to offer and that I have talent! But things went by so fast I couldn't adequately prepare myself.

It would suck to be rejected.

That just means that I don't have the talent...

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