Let's celebrate my end

8:18 PM

I wasn't actually planning to whine about my prelims. But I can't help it, eventhough I was actually gonna share about my hari raya visit to my cousin's place yesterday. It's supposed to be a happy post. But you see, I got back my geography papers back and... It wasn't good.

As in, it frustrates me that the amount of time and effort I put into each subjects are not reflecting in my marks. I honestly thought I could do better this time. I was hopeful. Too hopeful, I guess. 'Cos it was a complete let down. Obviously.

Why do I suck so bad?

Anyway, I'm still gonna talk about my visit. It was really nice 'cos I met up with my cousins and we got to sit and chat. They're all so slim and gorgeous. And my mom was so kind as to let me wear pants and a top for my visit. I got to wear this elaborate, rather ethnic-y looking top with just black jeans. Which is really comfortable and nice! I was so happy with it! I might wear it out someday. It's so nice, why should I just wear on special, family occasions.

The best part about my outfit is that my dear grandmother made it for me. Handmade with love! =)) I love it that it's one of kind and fits me to-a-tee. Makes me wanna take up sewing, but I know for a fact I'll end up just wearing a pillowcase top. Here are the pics,

I love it so much! THANK YOU GRANDMA!!! =DD

My cousin's place is HUGE. That lucky girl! Everywhere I look there are private housings and all sorts of expensive cars.I wanna live there too! But the stairs are a killjoy. (yes, I am lazy)

My family! Love what my mom's wearing, btw. It's a gorgeous ethnic top she got as a birthday present from her sister. It's like super fancy. My sis is wearing my hand-me-down, it's so obvious. She's SO MUCH skinnier than me. *sighs* Anyway, I love them to bits. Eventhough they drive me crazy at times. And I'd hate to disappoint them as I am likely to do according to my awful prelim results.

This is the hardest time of my life. It feels like the end of me. 'Cos I have never felt so helpless and stupid in my entire 19 years. I have never felt this incompetent.

Which makes me think everyday... Am I truly incompetent? Then maybe I do deserve whatever lousy future I have ahead of me.

Eventhough my parents doesn't deserve and incompetent child like me.

They deserve better.

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