Let the opium hinder the pain

6:02 PM

Warning: The following will be slightly on the emo side due to self-reflection, depressing days and such. Therefore, if you are feeling happy, I strongly suggest that you skip this blog entry. Thank you for your kind attention.

Right, coming back to my main point of blogging. Actually, I don't really have much to share today. My day today was pretty dull. I simply bought nail polish for me to wear to the MCR concert and this cool bracelet I saw. It was pretty cheap. I know that a bracelet isn't exactly a NECESSITY but I couldn't resist. I am in serious jewellery withdrawal syndrome. Ever since my chain snapped and my locket got lost. It was so, so precious to me. And I wear it every single day. And it's contents are precious too. Not to mention, it's completely GORGEOUS. And it was a total bargain. It was perfect. And now, it's perfectly lost. You couldn't imagine how sad and frustrated I was when I found out. Ah, well. Ever since that day, I've been going crazy on jewellery and anything that looks pretty.

Anyway, that's not what's been on my mind lately. What's been on my mind has filled my nights with a plentiful of nightmares and all sorts of unhappy things that had even made me afraid to go to sleep every single night. Is it just me or is everyone disappearing from the face of this earth? I'm serious. It's like my circle of friends have been reduced to a dot. But I should actually just blame it on my total lack of social life and mundane holiday days. Don't get me wrong, I love the holidays. But not when everyone's gone. Not when everything seems to be changing. Everyone's changing and you know... Leaving me behind. Okay, that sounds slightly on the pathetic side. But I'm just reflecting here. It's not like I don't have anything to do. I do. And yet, it's like everything's changed. Everything's different. The year hasn't ENDED!! It's still 2007!! Why is everyone acting like it's 2030 and acting so bloody busy and acting as though going out with friends or going out with the ones you love is such a chore? It SHOULDN'T be a chore. It should be a time where you enjoy yourself. And hello, you aren't 35 years old. You're still only 16. Loosen up and MAKE TIME for these moments which are just flying past you without you knowing it. Stop making excuses. "Oh, I'm tired." "I'm lazy" "I got work to do" "I got this" "I got that" "I have to do this" "I'm not free" Excuses. Excuses. I'm not saying you should ignore your responsibilities and start acting like a crazy person. I'm just saying, don't overdo it. Don't overwork. Don't overly stay at home. Just don't over-anything. Because there are people who want to make the last moments of this year a good one for you. There are people who seriously care about you and want to share the last few moments that you can share together before we all seperate into the scary thing known as the future. Yes, there are people who want to spend time with you. And if you just continue ignoring them, they'll disappear. Will you regret?

Somehow, being grateful is beyond me
The world is never what it seems to be.
Realizing how blind I've been,
As the pain came rushing in.
Blink, Blink.
My Opium wore off.

It's time for you to sit down and figure out what's really important to you. I took my own advice just recently (all thanks to Oprah) and I've realizing a lot of things. There're so many, so bloody many things and people that hurt me. But I can never imagine life without them because they are so important. They are so important 'cos they make my life complete. Just recently, I sat down with my mum watching our favourite Indo drama as she helps me do my nails. It was something I never got to do when I was in school. All busy and ploughing to life. But now I can. And it was really fun!

And don't just do things for other people. Do something for yourself. You seriosuly deserve it for what you went through this year. It was a really, really hard year and you made it through. So pat yourself on the back. Do something you have always been dying to do. Buy yourself a little gift. YOU DESERVE IT!!!

All's I'm saying is. Ask yourself if you are missing out on what really matters most?

My dreams seem so real;
Every moment is one I could feel.
Will they ever come true?
I know the answer. Do you?
Rub, rub.
My Opium wore off.

I'm dying to watch the Golden Compass. I love that book to bits and I'm pretty sure the movie would totally rock. Also, I wanna play tennis. And badminton. And have that movie marathon which Gaya had promised. MCR concert is like a duh-uh! I am gonna not want that night to end. I also want something magical to happen before the year ends. I know that it sounds naive. But it usually happens without me knowing it. And it catches me offguard. What I mean by magical is not exactly 'abracadabra' kind of thing. What I mean by magical is something that makes me smile with happy tears in my eyes. That's magical.

I know it's naive. But I'm still praying and hoping that it would happen. Still waiting. Still having faith. I have faith...

They bottled up my heart
To play, then tear apart.
Doesn't matter. I won't know,
If I glaze over my life's show.
Cry, cry.
My Opium is gone.

(my opium was you.
now my dreams are gone too)

I'm now gonna go watch Howl's Moving Castle. 'Cos I love studio ghibli's production. They always leave me feeling so... so much better than I did before. Try it, my friends! =)

I hope the next week will be a great one. I know it will be for me. =D

(am i good enough for you?)

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