HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Wah, I just read Dinah's impressive entry about 2005 and her resolutions and stuff. Gosh, and I thought MY entry was long. Her resolutions are SO much more detailed. I looked back at mine and I was like, "Jeez! Eight measly targets?! Where's the ambition in that?" Well, you see, I aimed to do So much last year that I only ended up fulfilling only HALF of my resolutions. Which is terrible, so I thought I would tone down abit. Still, I don't think I should re-do my new year's resolution. These are the things that I hope to do and plan to do. But God knows what life has in store for me.

Anyway, I'm not gonna put you through another lengthy review of 2005. I think I have done that already. I just need to express my concerns about myself. No, no, I am not in depression or whatever. I'm not suicidal and stuff. No, in fact, I think I'm very far from it. The thing is, I am really stressed about my portfolio for CAP. If you've read Dinah's blog, you would probably be surprised at this revelation. She made it sound like I could write about anything and everything and that this portfolio thing is easy-pickings for me. She's simply too kind. The truth is... I AM STUMPED!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE!! I've been wanting to be part of the Creative Arts Programme. And I still do. But I think I'm totally losing my touch. Mrs Lee was going on and on about the deep stuff that we have to write about during this holidays. I try... Goodness, I TRY SO FREAKIN' HARD!!! And yet, I come up with some lame story about a rich girl becoming poor. I thought it was crap so I am not gonna put that in the portfolio. It simply not deep enough. Actually, it was more shallow and humourous. Which isn't the point of the essay. It's supposed to be thought-provoking and dark, y'know?! I guess, I'm too shallow and superficial to create such a story. 'Cos I am seriously stumped. I cannot think of anything to write about. I listed out some ideas...:
1) Abusive parents
2) Racism
3) Handicap
4) War
5) Rape
6) Love

As you can see, they are all crap! I thought through everything. The abusive parents thing is SO over-done. I've heard a THOUSAND times. About the racism, I thought I could do a black thing. Or the Americans and Muslims thing. But then, I thought to myself, "I don't know much about the situation and if I were to write about something as contreversial as that, I should know the BIG picture. Or else, I can get into a big mess." Therefore I scraped that one. The handicap theme would be really good, huh? I thought maybe I could write about a girl who was perfectly normal, healthy and athletic suddenly becoming handicap due to an accident. But I didn't know how to end it. Plus, I have to make it a tear-jerker. The war thing was another idea. About this girl who lives in Iraq and her experiences when the Americans came. The reason I was not too sure about writing it is the same reason as the racism thing. Rape was too grisly and Love is too... Well, if I haven't experienced it, then, it won't be sincere, right? It wouldn't be real.

In the end, all I managed to do was write 3 new poems. The thing is, I have much more peoms than I do stories and stuff. This is depressing. Plus, I have to pack my stuff for camp. And another thing, I have a box of poems! Not of writing. I feel terrible! And my poems aren't even that good! If things are gonna continue being this bad, and if this mind block doesn't let up, I may be forced to put in one of my blog entries into my portfolio. That would be embarassing 'cos my entries aren't as elaborate as Dinah's or as quirky as Huda's. AAARGH!! I am positively freaking out! Aren't I capable of a single deep thought?!! This is such a blow to my ego.

I guess I could put in more of my poems since I have so many of 'em. But not all of 'em are actually good. And quite a number of them are love poems. Don't ask me why! 'Cos I am not ready to ansewr that question yet. I myself don't know why but I went through this phase where all I wrote were love poems. And they were ridiculously lovey-dovey. Some even plain dumb. I also have alot of dark 'death-y' poems. I went through another phase where I went through some sort of depression, I think. I wrote alot of dark, angry poems. And I was pretty young so, they were really amatuer-ish. This is horrible! At this rate, I will definitely not make it to be part of the Creative Arts Programme with Dinah. 'Cos we all know that she will be chosen. I hope she puts in one or two of her poems. I've only read her general ones. They were good so her personal ones must be better.

Gosh, I've been boring y'all with my worries. I must apologise!

Just a note, have any of you heard of 'Music Sex'? I think I've just witnessed it. No, not at some sleazy music video. At the Vh1 Save The Music concert. Rob Thomas and Alicia Keys were singing this really hot song. They had so much chemistry. And they sang their lungs out and it almost looked pleasurable. I know, that sounded kind of sick but it was amazing, really. She was dancing and he was belting out notes. They were sweating and stuff. They weren't doing much but it was like electricity! Okay, I think I've spilled enough thoughts for now. I'll leave y'all wiith one of the poems I wrote for those who celebrate Girl Power! And when a guy just stomps on your heart or something. Here's a poem you can give them.

Temporary
If you are behind a mountain,
I will not climb.
If you are in a labyrinth,
I will not seek.
If lost in the dark,
I will not light.
If ambushed by a gang,
I will not fight.
'Cause apparently I did not see
That our love was
Just temporary

Once again Happy New Year to All!!