As you might have guessed, the new school term has begun and this is the main reason why I haven't been blogging much. I usually would blog almost everyday, but there is just something about school that makes me so super exhausted by the time I get home, that I dun wanna do anything except bum around and watch TV.

I am thinking it's either the loooooong travel time to and fro or just the lame-ass lectures I have to sit through.

My first week of school has come and gone, with much difficulty as I am taking some science modules this semester. It's one of those cross-faculty modules I have to clear in order to graduate. Which I find absolutely ridiculous. OBVIOUSLY I would suck at these modules, and thus, that was why I chose to be in the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences in the first place. But to make me do lame science mods, which will just pull down my average score, is beyond stupid.

No, NUS, it will NOT make me an all-rounder. Because I have no interest in physics, chemistry or biology. My brain is not programmed that way. What is the point of chosing your faculty/majors if you make me do things not related to them?! Stop making me do useless things and stop making decisions for me. So thank you, thank you so much for this amazing oppurtunity to bring down my already lousy grades and thank you for making me sit through hours and hours of lectures & tutorials, trying to comprehend and absorb this shit.

And honestly, honestly, honestly, NUS just BAFFLES me sometimes. They FORCE us (people who have decided what they wanna study and what career paths they wanna take in future) to take modules that are OUTSIDE our faculty and then say that you can exclude the module results out of our overall grade score... ONLY if you get a grade 'C' and above... THEN WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT, YOU DIMWIT?!!! How does that make ANY fucking sense?!! If I get 'C' and above for that science mod, it won't affect my overall grade score as much as a 'D' and below would. I know that the logic is to make us study for it... But what if you just SUCK at sciences (vice versa for the science fac ppl)?! There is a REASON why I chose NOT to be in the science faculty. 'Cos I SUCK AT IT. And now, I have to somehow achieve a 'C' and above just so that I can exclude it from my average score. Meanwhile, if I get anything below a 'C' it would be counted into my overall score and basically just bring it all down.

WTF IS THIS, NUS?!!

Plus all the lecturers for the science mods are horrible. They are monotonous and have a poor grasp of the english language. Hence, I find myself not only lost in the scientific theories, but lost in translation as well. At which point I think to myself, "Wtf am I doing here?".

Furthermore, I've been 'exposed against my will' to conversations about grades this sem with all my other super smart friends who love studying and being in school. They were taking about their CAP score (something like grade point average) and how they wanna do better this sem eventhough they're scores are wayyy higher than mine. So, that just made me feel like dirt. They were all totally amazed (or should I say disgusted) at my lack of academic drive and despicably low expectations of myself. I was generally aiming for a passing CAP score, just so that they won't kick me out of university and I can somehow get my degree at the end of it all. On the other hand, they were aiming for perfect scores or 4.5 and above. Well, good on them. Way to go. Nothing wrong with over-achieving.

But there is always something wrong with being average, isn't it? At least here in Singapore there is.

I am mostly worried about my science modules and my french module. For french, I feel that the teacher is going wayyyy too fast for me to absorb anything. And I feel really lost. Also, I am abit apprehensive about speaking. As I feel like my pronunciation is a bit blah. I dunno what is wrong with me. I have easy grasp of asian languages (including korean and hindi) and I find myself absorbing and responding very quickly to them. But when it comes to european languages, I get stumped and lost so easily. It really baffles me. I felt the same way when I attempted German too. I was totally lost after the first year. The grammar, pronunciation and listening... *STRESSES OUT*

Okay, okay. Maybe it'll get better. It's just the first week so I am bound to feel overwhelmed, seeing as I spent my entire holidays doing absolutely nothing but bumming around and watching movies all day. I hoping I can snap out of it and get my act together. I just need to maintain my average grades.

Honestly, I know I am the only one there who is thinking this way. 'Cos eventhough the students in NUS deny it and say that they are not doing too good and that they are just expecting low grades and blah-blah-blah. They are all LYING. LIES, I TELL YOU, LIES!!! Because secretly, they are all mugging super hard in hopes of achieving all As and entering the Dean's list. They are all secretly enjoying that feeling of studying 'cos they know what they are doing. And while they say they have low expectations, THESE ARE LIES 'cos in reality they are all aiming for As. Moreover they will think of themselves as FAILURES if they did not achieve that A, and mope about it. They all want honours. And they are all academically-inclined human beings who are extremely competitive. Which is a deadly combination.

I am a very rare minority there. People who don't really care and just wanna get my degree and go. People who honestly dun care about their score, as long as it passes the minimum requirements. People who wanna just live life and not be buried in books and memorising useless facts about things that don't even matter.

I am not proud of it.

I'm not. I'm just saying this just to let y'all know, how lonely and out-of-place I feel in that college. Like a fish out of water. All the time.

The point is, this sem will be tough. And I will just have to shut my ears to all these competitive academic talks and just focus on myself. And if they start making me feel like absolute shit again. All I gotta say is...